


Because It's You

by marojehca



Category: ASTRO (Band), Aroha
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Romance, binu - Freeform, binwoo - Freeform, crossing the best friend boundaries, drunk bin versus lucid bin, mild angst which is a first for me, mild cursing involved, set in Astro-verse, something shenanigans, this has been screaming in my head for a while now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2017-08-09
Packaged: 2018-11-22 14:40:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11382282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marojehca/pseuds/marojehca
Summary: There are some things best said sober.





	1. The Morning After

If being an adult meant waking up feeling horrid, then Bin decided that he was having none of it. Thank you very much. But then again, if his decision-making skills were any indication of how he was going to fare in the future, he wasn't going to make a very good adult. He should have trusted his instincts. They've proven themselves quite reliable, at least for the first 19 or so years of his life. But as soon as he turned 20, he set them aside in favor of listening to his MJ and Jinjin-hyung's suggestion to go drinking. It was a time-honored tradition after all.

_Yeah right._

He couldn't even remember much of how he got home. And he was definitely home. At least from the smell of things, clean and crisp with a hint of vanilla and peppermint. His nose, connoisseur of smells that it was, told him he was in Eunwoo's part of their shared bunk.

Bin groaned, his head pounding like someone had taken a jackhammer to his skull. His mouth felt like paper and the taste at the back of his throat was sour. He turned to his side, face scrunching up in agony. The backs of his eyelids lit up red, meaning someone had opened the curtains to their dorm room to allow sunlight in. Bin had a sneaking suspicion it was Eunwoo's passive-aggressive way to get back at him for leaving him to tutor the band maknaes last night. It had been such a horrendous idea then, staying at the dorms surrounded by books on archaic English phrases and high school Calculus. At the moment though, Bin conceded that it was Eunwoo who made the right choice...however dreafully boring it was.

He moaned again, twisting within the sheets that covered him. A hand, cool and comforting, started to stroke at the creases that formed on his forehead then progressed to massaging his scalp, fingers digging into the tender bits alcohol messed up the night before. It felt like heaven.

"Eunwoo-yah?" Bin's voice came out as a croak. He narrowed his eyes, not because of the harsh sunlight coming from the window, but from the sheer brightness of Eunwoo's smile as he beamed down on his sorry, sore head. 

_And by all that was holy, he was breathtaking._

Even hungover, Bin wasn't immune to the sheer visceral reaction Eunwoo's beauty can pull out of him. A face so perfectly symmetrical glossed over by skin so white it might as well be made from pure cream. Eyes that formed the cutest upside down crescents when luscious lips stretched over straight teeth as he smiled. A delicate, high-bridged nose that sat so perfectly in the center of his face. And all framed by a shock of black hair, uncombed but still becoming on him. 

Cha Eunwoo won the lottery on visuals and, he made Bin's heart ache, especially when he realized how god-awful he must look that morning. He didn't have to see himself. He could feel the bloating, the excesses of the night before making his cheeks swell and his already slanted eyes sink back into their sockets so it appeared that he was perpetually squinting.

"How are you feeling?" His band mate asked, fingers still working on the aching knots on Bin's head. "Do you think you can get up to drink some medicine?"

"I feel like death warmed over." Bin internally frowned at how whiny he sounded. Internally, because it hurt just moving any of his facial muscles when they had a mind to actually follow him. He struggled to get up, swaying even when he propped himself on an elbow. He was already chalking up this morning to one of his lowest moments. One of those things he would be beating himself up for. "Coffee?"

Eunwoo chuckled, grabbing him by the shoulders to keep him from falling over. "No coffee. Aspirin first. And then when you got some food into you, we'll talk about the coffee." Eunwoo pressed him back against the wall before walking over to their shared desk. He came back with two pills and a cup full of water. "Here." 

He placed the pills on Bin's palm, watching in amusement as his best friend placed them inside his mouth. Frowning at the bitter taste, Bin was grateful for the water that was handed to him. He took a huge gulp, downing the two pills in the process. He took another one to rinse out the sourness coating his tongue. They both waited in silence, Eunwoo peering at his band mate closely, watching for any signs that he might start retching after the liquid settled in his stomach. He breathed a sigh of relief when Bin leaned back on the wall, cradling the cup of water to his chest. 

"You should try and drink more. You lost a lot of fluids last night well with all the..." He mimed vomitting, considerate enough to leave the disgusting sounds out. "I also got some Pocari, if you think you can handle that already. Or if you're hungry, the haejangguk I ordered for you guys arrived twenty minutes ago. I could heat some up?"

Eunwoo was such a god send. He couldn't expect anything less from his best friend. He should have known he would be this ready. He was just the sort to plan for eventualities. 

Bin shook his head, immediately feeling faint again. There was no way he would consider anything other than a few sips of water when he was still feeling queasy. "No, not right now." He shifted in bed, rearranging his long limbs so that Eunwoo wouldn't have to sit at the very edge to give him space. "What about MJ and Jinjin-hyung?"

"Still sleeping." Eunwoo replied. "We put them in the living room. Sanha was shrieking like a banshee last night, saying he didn't want to step on a pool of sick while he got ready for school. Needless to say, Rocky agreed with him."

"Manager-hyung?"

"I didn't think it was a good idea to get him involved. Besides, in the state you guys were in, he would end up chewing me out for letting you go. And well," Eunwoo glanced down, the apples of his cheeks tinged pink in embarrassment, "I took the company car without permission."

"Wow. Rebel Eunwoo." Bin snickered, then immediately regretted it. His head began to pound once more.

"Shut up. I couldn't very well take a taxi in case the driver recognized who we were and then... well..."

"We were in a really bad condition last night, huh?"

"Pretty much. From the number of soju bottles I saw inside the noraebang, I'm not really surpised you guys were in the conditions you were in."

"Did you bring us back here? All by yourself?"

Eunwoo shrugged. "The staff at the noraebang helped me get you guys into the parking lot. After that, it was a matter of periodic stops just so you all could hurl on the streets instead of inside the car." Eunwoo looked like there was something more he wanted to add, but thought better not to. Instead, he nodded to the now empty cup Bin was holding. "Do you want more water?" 

"No, I'm good." Bin handed Eunwoo the cup, looking extremely apologetic. "I'm sorry we put you through all that. I don't remember much of anything of last night but I know it must've been awful for you."

"It wasn't that bad, I mean - Wait." Eunwoo paused from setting the cup on to their study table to look back at Bin. "You don't remember anything that happened last night? Anything at all?"

Bin pressed a hand to his temple. His head was still aching something awful, but at least his vision was clearing up. The lines of Eunwoo's body, always sleek and graceful, regrettably hidden within a long sleeved striped cotton shirt and khaki short pants, were becoming more defined. 

"Should I?" When he looked up at his best friend's face, there was something in his expression that Bin couldn't read.  Maybe it was the remnants of the alcohol in his system dulling his senses, but there was something almost hopeful in Eunwoo's gaze; like he expected Bin to know something. "I didn't do anything embarrassing while drunk in public, did I?"

"Bin!" The sudden increase in volume, jolted the other male unpleasantly; the shrillness in Eunwoo's voice taxing to his already ringing ears, he winced. "It happened just a couple of hours ago. How could you block out something that went down so recently? You were drunk, not brain dead." Eunwoo plunked the cup he was holding down on the table so hard, Bin thought it was quite likely he chipped the bottom. 

Needless to say, Bin was feeling very confused  - confused, as well as woozy. And it wasn't just from being hung over either. What brought on this sudden personality shift? A few minutes ago, he had been enjoying Eunwoo's nurturing and now his willing nurse appeared ready to bash his already painful head in - if the clenched fists at his sides were to go by.

"Why are you angry at me?" He groaned, rolling the bottom of his right palm of the right side of his temple. "It was my first time to actually drink that much, okay? How was I supposed to know that aside from getting this damned hang-over, I'd forget what happened last night as well?"

Eunwoo propped a hand to his waist; the right corner of his moist lips curled up in a sneer of disbelief. " _Self-control, Bin_. It's one of the things you ought to learn as an adult."

Well, that stung. Mostly because it was true. He had neglected his own sense of self-control in favor of pleasing the band hyungs. He really ought to have asserted himself more. It was what adults did, right? But then again, Eunwoo hadn't been in the same situation Bin was at that time. He really shouldn't be making judgements on things he hadn't experienced. And most especially when he knew nothing of how pushy Myung Jun could be once he got a few shots of soju in him.

Bin bit at his bottom lip, eyes closed as he considered the best way to reply to his best friend, who was acting like some self-righteous prig. It was near devastating seeing that disappointment on his face because he had never wanted Eunwoo's disappointment to ever be directed at him. He felt too much for the beautiful male and struggled every day to keep his affections hidden; Eunwoo's impressions of him much more important than his own burgeoning feelings. But he slipped.

_Some days even the most perfectly conscientious people slip._

"You weren't there. Next time you try saying no to MJ and Jinjin-hyung. See how you like it." 

And really, Eunwoo should have been more understanding if he was anything of the ideal construct Bin had in his head. Why was he so pissed off that he forgot what transpired on the few measly hours that had already passed?

"Be straight with me." Bin grumbled, forcing himself to keep his thoughts clear for what he was about to ask. "Did I do something that involved you last night?" He was taking a shot in the dark. Eunwoo wasn't the type to be upset on a whim, nor was his temperament as changeable as the seasons. So, logically it would mean that -

"Why would you think that?" His roommate was watching him warily, arms crossed over his lean chest, hip leaning on the edge of the table across their bunk beds.

Bin scratched at the back of his neck, blinking up in frustration and annoyance. "Why won't you just answer me? You're upset with me for something that happened last night. So just remind me so I can apologize already."

Instead of replying though, Eunwoo rolled his eyes and walked to the door. "I have laundry to do," was all he said before leaving Bin in a huff.

 

  _ **Note:**_ So, I'm back to writing at A03 again. This was supposed to be posted on Bin's actual coming of age day, but life and work and school got in the way. This is a fluffier, alternative take on another BinWoo story that I posted last year called _**Coming Of Age**_. I hope you all enjoy reading this. And I love comments! Just keep them constructive please.

 

 


	2. To Forget

"Yah! Eunwoo! Cha Eunwoo! Oi, Lee Dongmin!"

Eunwoo walked past the living room almost in a run, pointedly ignoring MJ's slurred calls. He had dealt with one hungover idiot already and he wasn't in the mood to handle another one. Whatever his MJ-hyung wanted, he would have to crawl out of the cozy nest of blankets and bedspreads he laid on last night and get it himself. Even if he has to do it on all fours.

He closed the door of their large bathroom, pressing his head against the laminated wood for a moment so he could compose himself. The encounter back in the room he shared with Bin shook him. And the fact that Bin forgot something so monumental as the events of last night, pinched at his heart and kicked at an ego he didn't know he even possessed. Were the occurences of a few hours ago so traumatic that Bin had unconsciously blocked them from his memory? 

_And those memories had to do with him..._

MJ's hollering from outside had thankfully ceased; the oldest member either managing to get what he wanted himself or falling back asleep. Eunwoo hoped for the latter. The less people awake, the less people he would have to make an effort to be nice to or, at the very least, acknowledge. He looked behind him, finding the dorm tub filled with clothing soaking in warm water and needing to be laundered. As careful as he was to park the car whenever any of his band members had to be sick, there were still some unexpected casualties. Namely his own clothing.

Eunwoo pushed his personal hurts aside, telling himself he'll deal with them after he'd done his chores. Their manager had a habit of dropping by at the dorms unannounced just to check if any of them have been up to no good during their days off. Whatever he felt about Bin and whatever he forgot would have to wait until he's managed to erase any traces of his band mates' escapades last night.

Turning on the faucet, Eunwoo opened the top of  the metallic, industrial-sized washing machine and dryer their company had gifted them after their first Japanese showcase sold out. Kneeling by the tub, he gave his clothes a few cursory shakes, dislodging any traces of vomit within the folds before chucking them inside the machine.  He bit back a curse when he found his favorite blue canvas sneakers sitting at the bottom still slimy with sick. He grabbed the pair with one hand, head turned away as he swished them inside the tub, then dumped them in with his clothes as well. Grabbing a long-handled brush, he unplugged the tub and started scrubbing at the food remains quickly as the water drained. He gave the tub one last rinse, running the mobile shower head over its entirety before going back to his laundry.

Seeing to the sorry state of his wardrobe that was disappearing under the rising water level, Eunwoo hadn't realized his eyes were already brimming with tears until stray droplets fell on to his cheeks. He sniffed, wiping at his face with the back of his hands before reaching for the liquid detergent. He watched, almost transfixed as the soap frothed, wishing that everything he had heard and felt last night could just as easily be washed off from his memory as the mess on his clothes.

_But it was real._

_It happened._

He knew he didn't dream it. It wasn't just a product of his fanciful imagination mixed in with his own secret hopes of finally overcoming that friendship hurdle that's always been between him and Bin. And whatever it was that short-circuited Bin's ability to recall what he said and did, it couldn't change the fact that _it happened_.

Eunwoo squeezed his eyes shut as he tilted his head backwards willing the water behind his eyelids to drain back into his tearducts once again where they belong. He'd cry later when he was alone. But as the blackness closed over his sight, his own memories of what occured last night resurfaced and he sighed in resignation. He came to one conclusion. It had been a really bad decision to answer his phone last night. 

And he also started to feel an emotion he never thought he would ever associate with Bin - anger. 

"You're an idiot. That's what you are." Eunwoo grumbled to himself, dismayed at himself for daring to hope, only to have his heart broken. 

"You're supposed to turn the water off now."

_Great._

He was so far gone into the throes of emotional suffering, he was hallucinating Bin's voice.

"The water in the washing machine, Eunwoo. It's already above the limit line." It said a bit more insistently.

No. That wasn't a hallucination. The tone - that unique vocal timbre that he could only belong to the person who affected him in ways that were both terrifying and exciting - was so spot on, it couldn't possibly be just a figment of his imagination. And true enough, when Eunwoo looked down to check if the person who spoke was indeed telling him the truth, soapy water was already spilling on to the bathroom floor.

He whipped around in shock finally coming to the realization that he really wasn't alone. The side of his hip hit the machine so hard the plastic flap fell down on the hand that was left clutching the edge of the wash tub. "Ahh!" He cried, grimacing as he clutched his aching fingers to his chest.

"Are you alright?" 

Bin was there with him, looking worse for wear, but already moving about. His thick, brown hair mussed and pointing every which way. His eyes barely open; edema making his small face swell twice it's normal size. The right side of his cheek had deep fissures,  probably from creases on the pillow he slept on. He was swaying on his feet a bit but still appeared poised to comfort. One foot slid in front of the other, face wrinkled in concern as he drew closer to where Eunwoo was standing.

"I'm fine." Eunwoo bit the inside of his cheek, willing himself to ignore the sting from his injured limb. 

There was no way he would let Bin touch him even if his intention was to soothe. His emotions were still too fragile and he was afraid of breaking down in front of his best friend. Explaining himself was out of the question. Besides, what good would an explanation do when the cause of his torment couldn't even remember what brought on his distress in the first place? He scooted away as the other male brushed past him to turn off the tap.

Eunwoo stared at Bin's back as he worked the faucet controls, hating himself for admiring how the corded muscles bunched up within the thin shirt the other male wore. Even in his state, he couldn't deny that he found his room mate immensely attractive and, how dangerous it was to be alone in a cramped space with him. 

Maybe it was better if he just left? Took a walk somewhere? Went shopping to clear his head? Snuck out undetected while Bin's reflexes were still too slow to catch on?

His feet were already moving backwards; his body making the decision for him before the thought solidified into an actual idea in his head. Eunwoo pivoted on his heels, good hand reaching for the door handle with every intention of fleeing.

"Where do you think you're going?" Bin asked.

_Damn it._

Eunwoo bowed his head but refused to turn around. Bin wouldn't venture out of their room in his condition just to find where he was at random. Eunwoo knew what was coming. They were going to have the talk - a talk he wasn't interested participating in since it was about a memory that only he could recall.

"I forgot fabric conditioner." It was lame but the only thing he could come up with. "I'm going to buy some."

"We still have a full bottle. Manager-hyung got us some a few days ago." 

"It's not the kind I use. "

"You don't have _a kind you use_." Bin pointed out, voice hardening. He was hungover and sick, yes, but he wasn't a fool. Eunwoo was running away, and since he wasn't particularly subtle about it when they were discussing last night back in their room, he had to know how all of this seemed to be tied to him.

"I do now." Eunwoo was aware that he was being immature. He knew he wasn't helping their situation any by acting like a sulking child. But he was hurting and he was lashing out in the only way he knew how.

Bin tried a different tactic. Pleading. It always worked in the past. Eunwoo's never been able to resist his begging. "Look, I know you're upset with me. But couldn't we just talk about it? We used to be able to talk about everything."

"I can't talk to you about something you don't remember." Eunwoo threw over his shoulder.

"Then, tell me! Help me remember instead of shutting me out like this."

Eunwoo clenched his fists at his sides. "I can't."

"You can't or you won't? Eunwoo whatever happened last night I can't start to make amends for it if I don't know what it was about. _Please_..."

_And what was last night about really?_

Eunwoo chewed at his bottom lip considering his options. He could stay, talk things out with Bin and find out where they would both stand after all the revelations were done. At the very least, Eunwoo would find closure and would have to live with the disappointment of knowing how good something felt only to have it taken away. Or, he could leave. Walk out his frustrations and come  back to the apartment pretending the past 48 hours hadn't happened. He and Bin could go back to being what they were before, just friends and band mates. No other complications.

He took hold of the door handle once more. "I'm going out."

Eunwoo left without looking back. He figured, it was easier this way. Let Bin stew for a while. They'll probably be awkward with each other for the next few days, but they would manage to work through it like they always did whenever they had their small fights. Things would go back to normal and he would be left with the memories.

He could live with that.

He had no choice.

 


	3. To Remember

The errand that was supposed to take a little over 15 minutes turned to hours. Still, Bin continued to wait and he was going to stay where he was until Eunwoo came home. 

Truthfully, he hadn't spent all his time parked on their living room couch. He'd taken a shower, eaten a few spoonfuls of the haejjangguk with the band hyungs when they woke up and managed to finish the load of laundry Eunwoo left before he... well... left. He may have also tried reaching Eunwoo's phone, leaving about twenty messages on his voicemail before giving up and just opting to wait it out.

His Jinjin and MJ-hyung tried to talk him into going to the agency with them, maybe get some practice on the new choreography done. But Bin politely declined - a skill,  he told himself he had to perfect should  his inability to say no got him in trouble once again in the future. Alone in the apartment, without any desire to distract himself with the usual games and downloads on his phone, Bin thought back to last night and came up blank. What he remembered began with settling down at their own private singing room and ended with him waking up in Eunwoo's bed. Waking up to the feel of Eunwoo's wonderful fingers threading through the tangles of his hair, pressing at the spots on his head that ached and throbbed...

Somewhere, some time within those missing hours something had happened. Something big enough to upset his bestest friend in the world - the boy who was also the most secret desire of his heart. And try as he might to dredge through the murkiness of his own recollections, there was nothing. But Eunwoo wouldn't be mad at him for nothing. So there was something. And if he couldn't remember by himself, then he would have to-

Bin's musings were interrupted by the sound of their security door chiming open and then followed by a rambunctious round of laughter coming from the two youngest band members as they entered the apartment. Rocky and Sanha were sharing earbuds; both were bent down engrossed in watching some kind of hilarity on Sanha's phone they hadn't noticed that Bin was right there in front of them until he spoke.

"What's so funny?"

"Oh!" Sanha gasped, immediately pressing the phone to his chest.

Rocky gave a start as well, tugging his half of the earbuds off. "You're here? We thought you'd be at practice by now." For some strange reason, he appeared to be nervous, something Bin thought he'd never see on Rocky under any circumstance. He had been too well trained for that.

"Obviously, I'm playing hooky." Bin replied drily. "What are you guys watching?" He was desperate for something else to do; anything to take his mind off Eunwoo. He was beginning to feel like an anxious husband waiting for his wife to come home. Maybe whatever the maknaes were watching could help.

Rocky and Sanha exchanged glances both looking slightly panicked. Sanha scratched at the back of his head, the apple of his cheeks suddenly flushed a bright red hue. Rocky fidgeted in place, eyes swerving to avoid Bin's gaze.

"It's nothing, hyung. Just a random video." Rocky explained hastily, hands fluttering in front of him in that calculated dismissive manner that didn't fool Bin one bit. "Puppies playing... that sort of thing."

Bin sat up on the couch hand extended. "Let me see. I like puppies."

"Erm, no. Not these puppies." Sanha countered somewhat awkwardly, pocketing his phone. "They're not even cute."

Well, something was definitely fishy because puppies in all shapes, breeds and colors were cute. Enough said. So Bin crossed his arms over his chest, raising his eyebrows at the two. There was no such thing as _personal_  when it came to the band. Everyone had access to everything, least of all their phones, which were paid for by their management company and monitored strictly. So why were they so reluctant to share? What could possibly be on that phone that was so... 

Wait a minute. 

Could it be that these two were...

"Have you two been watching porn?" Bin asked, eyes narrowing into menacing slits. To a certain extent, he could understand their fascination. Both of them were teenagers after all and were prone to be curious of unfamiliar things. At least, he hoped it was still unfamiliar. But then again, they were minors and idols to boot, held up to the most stringest form of standards.

Sanha's jaw dropped and Rocky began shaking his head vehemently. 

"We're not."

"We wouldn't!"

"Because if you are, I'm telling manager-hyung."

"We're not!" Sanha shrieked; his youthful face turning purple with indignance. "Hyung!!!" He shook Rocky's arm, lips pursed in that infamous pout that never failed to make all of ASTRO wince.

Rocky stepped forward, disentangling Sanha's fingers off him. "Hyung, it's not porn. But it's not something you'd be interested in either. Please, can we just get dressed so we can go to practice?"

Bin shook his head. "Not until I see it." He wriggled his fingers at Sanha. "Gimme."

"Hyung, I..." Something akin to a cuss word slipped past the youngest lips which made Bin frown. 

"Language, fetus. Phone. Now." 

Sanha threw Rocky one last desperate look, to which the other answered with a worried shrug, before reluctantly fishing out his phone from his pocket. He held it in his hand for a moment, probably debating whether he would still be able to change his password. But then, knowing the propensity for meanness the older members have when they don't get their way, he gave Bin his phone without another protest.

"Just so you know. I don't think you'll like what you'll see." Sanha grumbled.

"I'll be the judge of that." Bin thumbed at the screen, hardly noticing the both of them sinking on to the floor in front of him. The phone lit up and Bin tapped at the video library icon. He only saw what seemed to be thumbviews of their practices, even some left over footage for monitoring during their promotional stages. What he did find was a video simply titled LOL and, it was taken just last night. Giving the icon a long press, the display on the phone changed and the video began to play.

Bin had to squint at first because the focus was shaky. He could hear Sanha's telltale giggle in the background and other voices that seemed to be talking over each other. 

As the images came into focus, he could clearly see Eunwoo holding out his phone in front of his mouth looking very concerned. Although still unbelievably stunning with his hair wet and in one of his old sleep shirts, the bridge between his eyebrows were furrowed deeply as he spoke to the person on the other line. Someone who sounded extremely familiar.

 _"Bin-ah? Where are you? I'm coming to get you."_ Eunwoo was surrounded by books and notepads; an unfortunate occupational hazard for an academic tutor. A pencil was still stuck between his fingers as he pressed at a spot on his forehead.

_"No. No. No. You listen to me first. Listen to me!"_

Bin nearly choked on his own tongue realizing that the whiny, slurred voice he was hearing coming from the device in Eunwoo's hand was his.

 _"Bin, we can talk when I get you guys home. Tell me where you are."_ Eunwoo was searching for a pad to write on, the pencil in his other hand flying as he struggled to keep his phone at face level. There was some scrambling happening in the background; Rocky probably moving to get something else that could be used for writing. The video became wobbly, Sanha letting out an indignant yelp as he was jostled while filming. Eunwoo seemed blessedly oblivious to what was going on around him, attention only on the voice on the phone.

_"Why do you always do that? Why do you keep wanting to... to...can-... what's the damn word? I... no... postpone anything I have to say to you, huh? What I say matters too!"_

Bin cringed. And by the surprised gasp in the background coming from the two maknaes, they were surprised at his outburst too. On video, Eunwoo seemed taken aback as well, but managed to keep his composure.

 _"Of course, it does. I'm sorry, Bin. I didn't mean it that way. I always want to listen to what you have to say. I just want you and the hyungs safe at home first before we talk."_ Eunwoo was pacing his speech, making sure that his words were understood by the alcohol-addled brain grumbling back at him on loud speaker. _"Tell me where you are. Let me_ _take you home, Binnie."_

 _"Don't call me that!"_ Bin's voice from the video suddenly shrieked high and shrill. _"Only people who love me get to call me that... and... and... you don't... love me, Eunwoo-yah."_

Eunwoo was quick to reply, his thoughts probably on pacifying a drunken friend. _"Of course, I love you, Bin."_

A hiccup, then the beginnings of a whimper. _"No, you don't. Not the same way I love you..."_

The video shook again. He could hear the young members mutter curses at each other. Bin saw flashes of the low table, a pair of socked feet, open book bags, doodled over notebooks and then... Eunwoo's face again. His lips were open, eyes staring off into the distance, phone still held aloft.

 _"I... I don't think I understand what you mean, Bin."_ His voice broke, Eunwoo's usual calm cracking under the weight of the unexpected confession. Even on the small screen, Bin could see the slight shifts in his expression as the wheels and cogs in Eunwoo's brain tried to rationalize the situation.  Was he going to believe what Bin said when it was done while he was so obviously drunk?

 _"Don't you dare pretend you didn't... didn't... you didn't hear what I said. I. AM. IN. LOVE. WITH. YOU! I love you! I've loved you for a long time now."_ And then there was crying. Honest to goodness sobbing that pinched at one's heart and twisted one's guts. _"But you never see me. You don't.  You don't see what I feel for you. I'm just your_ _best friend. And no more...no more..."_

 _"Oh my god!"_ It was Rocky who yelled.

_"Bin, come on. Let's talk about this face to face. Don't you think it's better if we - "_

_"SHUT. UP. You...you... inter...interrupt me all the time I talk. Why do that? Huh?"_

_"Bin, I'm not -"_

_"There you go again! Talking in your Eunwoo-voice all calm and shit."_

The last word was punctuated by a loud belch that was so unbelievably revolting Bin's mind refused to process that it actually came from him. It was then that he made a mental note to start differentiating the two sides of himself. There was Drunk Bin; the disembodied voice mumbling like a desolate fool on the video. And then, there was Lucid Bin;  the poor ass that was sitting there listening to himself rambling. It was the only way he could make sense of his own ridiculousness on the recording.

On screen, Eunwoo clamped his lips together even as his eyes shot daggers at the two youngsters that were tittering off video; Sanha bursting into several fits of loud guffaws. 

 _"You're laughing at me!"_ Drunk Bin was wailing on Eunwoo's phone. _"You don't ever take me seriously."_ More sobbing.

Lucid Bin could literally hear the accusation, the pain in his own voice as he continued to watch. It was like watching a trainwreck unfold but still being unable to look away. Across from him, Rocky and Sanha were covering their mouths, trying their damnest to stifle their laughter. He threw the two of them a dirty look before once again going back to the video.

_"I'm not, Bin. I'm sorry. Please. Tell me where to find you and then we'll talk, okay?"_

_"No. You...don't...talk. I talk. Understand? I. Talk."_

_"Okay, Bin. Okay."_ Eunwoo was sribbling something frantically on one of the notebooks. He saw a sheaf of papers flying towards the camera, then heard Sanha screech as it hit him. Lucid Bin didn't even feel the slightest guilt at the thought of it hitting the youngest member in the face. In fact, he kind of hoped it did.

 _"GPS tracker?"_ It was Rocky's voice coming in loud and clear from the recording. _"Got it."_

So, that's how Eunwoo found them last night. Drunk Bin was barely able to keep his words straight least of all come up with a halfway coherent sentence. He was in no condition to relate his location last night. It was certainly quick thinking on his best friend's part to use a tracker. Months before they debuted, the agency had them install an app on their phones for emergency purposes. Just in case one of them got separated or lost somewhere unfamiliar, there was a way to find them.

Sanha was giggling again, much louder and more pronounced this time. And the voice on the other end of Eunwoo's line mistook it for mockery of his confession. Drunk Bin whimpered like a kicked puppy and then howled his indignance. Lucid Bin was growing frustrated with his drunk self.

_"Stop laughing at me, Eunwoo-yah! Why do you hurt me when I feel so much for you?"_

_"Bin, I'm not. It's not me. I..."_

He watched Eunwoo approach, hand reaching out towards the camera before Sanha hollered in pain and then, he saw nothing but blackness. The sounds were still recorded clearly though. It was still the inebriated version of him weeping, words running together almost incoherently as alcohol and pent-up emotions mixed.

_"Do you... do you remember when we were in Mexico? That... that...church?"_

_"Yes, of course I remember."_ Eunwoo was back on the screen again, his head bowed close to his phone's mouth piece. His lush eyelashes fluttered, caressing the tops of his cheeks.

 _"I want to marry you there, Eunwoo-yah. But that's... that's not going to happen is it? Because you don't love me."_ The statement was followed by loud bawling, like a whale who accidentally beached itself and was calling out to its herd for rescue, broken up by ocassional hiccups as Drunk Bin struggled to catch his breath. There were a few heaving gasps of air before he continued. _"I had a plan for us. This...this...this crazy dream of having a life together. Should I tell you about my plan? Can I tell you about my plan?"_ His voice was still shaky, but the hiccups have died down to sniffles somewhat.

 _"Holy sh-"_ Sanha's expletive was cut-off, the boy possibly clamping his own mouth shut when he realized what he was about to blurt out.

Eunwoo was nodding; his shoulders sagging in relief as the person he was talking to seemed to calm down a bit. _"I'd like to hear your plan, Bin."_

_"You're...you're not just saying that? You really want to know?"_

_"Yes. Yes, of course."_ Eunwoo replied, before mouthing _car keys_  to one of the band maknaes.

Drunk Bin sniffed, then the sound of someone blowing their nose so loudly it contorted Eunwoo's pretty features into a disgusted grimace. It was reflex, but it also had Bin fervently wishing it wasn't him making those sounds on the other line. He had already embarrassed himself thoroughly with his declarations. _"I...I want a family with you,_ _Eunwoo-yah. I want us to live abroad after the wedding. And then... then...once we're settled, maybe adopt... if you want kids? You want kids, right?"_

 _"I... well..."_ Eunwoo appeared flustered on video, cheeks burning.

 _"Hang on."_ It was Rocky speaking off camera. _"Did Bin-hyung just-"_

Eunwoo pressed a finger to his lips.

 _"A boy and a girl. And then we can get a dog... also a cat?"_ Drunk Bin sneezed, then there was the sound of a nose being emptied of its contents again. Lucid Bin shuddered to think what he'd been using to unload his sinuses on last night. _"Those expensive ones...with...with...the long...long hair and...and... the flat face? Can we get five of_ _them?"_

 _"Wait? Five?"_ Eunwoo's eyes widened with incredulity, his tone rising with each word he uttered. _"You want kids, a dog and five cats?"_

Drunk Bin must have interpreted it negatively because it took mere moments before the bawling started up again, with more intensity than before. _"You don't...don't like_ _the plan? You don't want to raise the cats with me?"_ He howled like a cow gone mad, yammering loudly from the device. _"I WANT TO DIE! JUST LET ME DIE! YOU DON'T-"_

 _"Bin? Bin!"_ Eunwoo was screaming at his phone. Lucid Bin could no longer hear himself which probably meant he either cut the call himself last night or the battery on his phone ran out. Either way, the video continued to play for a few more seconds. He saw Eunwoo get to his feet, yelling at the youngest members to stay awake and wait for his call. And then there was nothing. Just blackness on the small screen.

"Binnie-hyung?" Sanha warily asked. "Can I... can I have my phone back please?"

Bin hadn't realized he had been staring at nothing, clutching Sanha's phone within his fist so hard his hand was starting to shake.  He pressed his free hand on his forehead, the throbbing back in full force. Most people think getting their memories back would be a liberating experience; relief coming in the form of those missing moments of your life. For Bin though, remembering caused him pain and embarrassment. He could blame his shameful behavior on the alcohol, of course. But deep down he knew that the soju really only loosened his tongue. The things he said to Eunwoo... those were his real thoughts; the things he had kept in his heart of hearts. 

_The feelings and dreams he hid from his own best friend._

"Oh, geez." Bin groaned as a particularly strong memory finally made it through the surface of his consciousness. Now it made sense why Eunwoo reacted the way that he did. More than the words, it was what he did after that made the biggest difference on the boundaries of their friendship.

"Hyung? My phone?" Sanha asked again.

But Bin shook his head. "No, not yet. Not until I make this right."

The question was, where would he even start?

 

 

 _ **Note**_ : I originally got the idea for this after watching a particular episode of _**The Legend of the Blue Sea**_ where one of the female characters drunk-called the lead actor in the drama. And there was so much crying and vulnerability in the scene because the girl was coming to terms with what she lost. I wanted this to have that kind of feeling as well. For added reference, I had to dig into my own memories of girl friends drunk ranting about ex-boyfriends and then vines of people drunk calling each other and voila - Drunk Bin versus Lucid Bin.

 

 


	4. To Move On

Eunwoo had no idea how long he had been sitting there on the building stair well, tucked into the corner of the landing that led one flight up to the door of the band's apartment. He purposely avoided taking the elevators, opting to walk the 10 or so flight of steps to reach the fifth level where the band dorms were located. His phone had died on him hours ago, Bin's persistent calls draining what was left of its battery life. He had ignored those calls, seeing no point in having a conversation about something he wasn't prepared to talk about anyway.

He had walked for hours with no particular destination in mind. And when he got tired, he found a small noodle shop where he spent the good part of the afternoon slurping on a noodle bowl as he stared out the window, watching strangers go about their normal lives. As he gazed outside, he also planned; strategized; thought of ways to deal with the problem he left behind until he had no other choice but to take a taxi to go back home.

He was being a coward, truth be told. He was sitting there in that cold stair well, depressed and already hungry, because he wanted to delay the inevitable. Once he steps into that apartment, he would lose that hard fought control he managed to summon during his time away. Eunwoo knew that for all his planning; for running all the permutations of the possible scenarios and how to deal with them in his head; he was still left with no concrete idea how to face Bin. Because this was Bin. His best friend. His room mate. His band mate. The boy he'd secretly loved since he learned what the word even meant.

"For some strange reason I knew I'd find you here."

He looked up to see the very same person haunting his thoughts for the better part of the day smiling down at him while leaning on the staircase railings. Eunwoo was struck by a sudden wave of fear; a feeling so completely foreign because he would never thought to associate it with his best friend. He grew up with him. He cried with him. They shared dreams. And it seemed last night, they shared something so much more.

_Except, Bin didn't remember any of it._

His muscles seized up as he heard him coming down the steps because for a brief moment, Eunwoo thought to flee again. To run down the steps as fast as his tired legs could carry him and back out into the night. But then again, where would he go? The thought of walking out on Bin once more left a bitter taste in his mouth. Somehow he knew that if he left now, there would be nothing to come back to.

"Why didn't you come in?" Bin sat beside him so closely their legs touched.

Eunwoo shugged. "I don't know." He drew his knees together away from Bin's warmth, wrapping his long arms over his limbs as he unconsciously created a protective cocoon around himself.

Bin sighed. He wanted to ask him where he'd been. Why hadn't he answered any of his calls or messages? Why he walked out on him in the first place? But he knew he had to do this very carefully. He had to slowly chip at the walls Eunwoo built around his heart - walls that were there because he had been hurt. "Have you eaten? I can make us some ramyun. Or maybe microwave the leftover pizza?"

"Not really hungry."

He sounded so small and so vulnerable. Eunwoo had his chin propped up on his knees, exhaustion and sadness leeching the natural rosiness of his cheeks. Bin ached to hold him; to offer comfort. But he wasn't sure if his touch would be welcomed. Instead, he propped his elbows over the bend of his legs, clasping his hands together. "Eunwoo, we need to talk."

"Yeah, I'd figure you'd want to do that." Eunwoo's hold tightened around his body, bracing himself for more pain than he could ever be prepared for. He had already seen this part played out in his mind's eye. Bin would apologize, probably make some quip about the things he forgot last night, then launch into a speech about how what happened wasn't important and how it shouldn't affect the friendship they have. Pleas, disguised as conciliatory words, for both of them to go back to how things were.

_To forgive and then forget._

And Eunwoo knew that for him, there would be no other choice but to agree. They weren't just friends. They were in the same company. They belong to the same team. They worked together. And whatever he may have hoped they could develop into in the future, they both couldn't afford to let their personal feelings affect the group dynamic.

"I remember everything, Eunwoo-yah."

Eunwoo cocked his head to the side, regarding the boy beside him carefully. "What?"

He didn't bother hiding his doubts. After all, it was only a few hours ago when the same boy was swearing up and down that he couldn't recall a single thing that happened last night.

"Everything. I remember everything about last night." Bin declared; face warming up considerably. He stretched out his right leg, plucking a phone from his left his pants' pocket. "This helped a lot, of course."

Eunwoo recognized it immediately. "Why do you have Sanha's phone?"

Bin held up a finger to quiet the other male as he thumbed through the device to find what he needed. He fiddled with something on the phone so that Eunwoo could hear whatever was playing clearly. " _I. AM. IN. LOVE. WITH. YOU! I love you! I've loved you for a long time now._ "

Eunwoo stared at the sleek, silver contraption in disbelief. That tinny voice, distorted by sound filters and background noise, was Bin's just as he was talking last night. Why does he have a recording of this? His best friend placed the device in his hands, urging him to see more of what was transpiring on the small screen. He watched the entire interaction between himself and that sad, drunken version of the boy he loved unravel; cringing at the very same moments he had reacted strongly to the night before. Eunwoo was quiet once he finished.

"Well?" Bin asked expectantly.

"Sanha recorded this?"

"Yeah, he did."

"Hmm." Eunwoo wasn't even surprised that he didn't feel anything at all about the violation of his privacy. He was too exhausted; physically, mentally and emotionally, having spent the better part of yesterday afternoon till late this morning taking care of everyone else to even feel angry.

"Hmm? That's all you have to say?"

"I'm not sure what you want me to say, Bin." Eunwoo returned the phone to the other male. What reaction could he possibly give that would be deemed satisfactory? He just witnessed proof that he didn't dream up Bin's confession last night. But where did that leave them?

"If you won't say anything, then will you please listen to what I have to say?"

His room mate gave him a noncommittal shrug. Eunwoo leaned back against the balustrade as he waited for Bin to speak.

"I was drunk last night when I called you." Bin frowned, unhappy with his lamer than lame opening. "Well, that was obvious...I don't remember how many drinks I've had by then, but I saw my phone on the table and I thought it was a good idea to check on you guys. That's really just how it began. I wanted to ask how the tutoring session was, if you've already eaten...maybe I ask you to join us if you were done? MJ hyung was singing this love song in the background ... and I don't know why, but I just went off on you like that."

Bin's statements weren't that too far off from what Eunwoo had imagined he would say earlier and so he thought it best to interrupt before Bin said the words that would maim his already fragile psyche beyond repair. "I know you didn't mean what you said last night." The words nearly choked him but he forced them out of his mouth. He convinced himself that hearing himself say those very words were better than having them come from someone he harbored romantic notions for. "It's okay, Bin. I get it. It was the alcohol talking."

"No, actually. You don't get it."

"But I do. You want to tell me everything was a mistake. I know already."

Bin shook his head slowly. "But it wasn't. I don't like the way I said it. I don't like that I was in the condition that I was in when I said it... But those words were not a mistake, Eunwoo-yah. And, I did mean them." He found his best friend's eyes; held his gaze as he hoped he would understand the implications of his next words, "I meant everything I said. And though I regret the way I told you, I don't regret you knowing."

"What?" Eunwoo blinked rapidly. This - whatever it was that was happening that very moment - was not something he planned for. It wasn't even something he even considered possible. He was tired. His brain function was slowing down. He was hearing things.

Eunwoo peered intently into Bin's face looking for some telltale sign that he was joking; a twitch on the corner of his eye, a playful tilt on his full mouth. But there was nothing - nothing but the same apprehension he was feeling reflected on his best friend's handsome face. Bin was just as scared as he was, probably wondering whether anything he had said so far managed to pierce through Eunwoo's skepticism.

Hit by the sudden realization that everything he had hoped for; everything he had wanted with Bin was practically being handed to him on a silver platter, Eunwoo was suddenly overcome with emotion. He wondered why his sight was turning hazy - Bin's features became blurry and indistinct - until something warm and wet fell on to his cheeks. And they kept on falling; Bin's face disappearing completely in the sudden onslaught of tears.

"Hey..." Bin was immediately on him; left hand cradling the side of Eunwoo's face as his right hand gently wiped at his damp cheeks. "I'm sorry I made you cry. Last night was already too much for you to take in and now I seemed to have made it worse by telling you all these things again. I don't know how I'm supposed to love you when I seem to keep hurting you..."

Eunwoo jerked his head back, grabbing the other by the wrists. "What did you just say?"

"I'm sorry?"

"No, after that."

Bin allowed a ghost of a smile to grace his lips before he said, "how am I supposed to love you when I -"

_Love._

_He said love._

"Do you... do you really though?" Eunwoo interrupted, sniffing so ungracefully loud it made his companion chuckle at his uncharacteristic behavior.

"Yes, I really do." Bin answered confidently. During the course of their friendship, he had questioned a lot of things concerning his feelings for Eunwoo. Ironically enough, getting drunk actually cleared his head of all his misgivings. He was in love with his best friend. He was sure of it. And whether Eunwoo returned his feelings or not, he still wanted him to know.

Eunwoo's eyes narrowed into crescent moon-shaped, watery slits. "You didn't drink again, did you?"

Bin thought the way the other male's eyebrows met together in a frown at the top of his nose was the cutest thing in the world. He didn't even feel the least bit insulted that Eunwoo thought he was still liquored up. He wanted to soothe the wavy dents away with his fingertips, to take away his lingering doubts, the way Eunwoo had soothed his headache earlier. If only he'd let go of his hands...

"If you don't count the bottles of water to flush out the alcohol in my system, then no. My mind is all clear."

"You're not just saying that?"

"No. I really do love you. Drunk or sober. But mostly sober." Bin replied cheekily. He let out a loud oomph when a flurry of long, fragrant limbs suddenly attacked him. Eunwoo flew from his seat, landing unceremoniously on his lap with both his legs and arms thrown around Bin's torso in a fierce, panda-clinging hug.

"You're not going to take that back? Ever?" Eunwoo mumbled tearfully, lips fluttering like butterfly wings on the side of Bin's neck, where he insisted on hiding his face.

Bin's arms encircled him protectively, pressing the other further into his chest. "Not even if you want me to."

He felt the beautiful male relax, body going limp within his embrace. They stayed like that for a few moments; Bin rocking Eunwoo's torso gently from side by side; patiently waiting for the other to come out of the burrow he made for himself on Bin's broad shoulder. He might have been heavy, but all Bin felt was that comforting weight of his entire universe - his every dream and desire - sitting right there within the circle of his arms. Who cares if his legs went numb?

"Am I _allowed_ to think that you hugging me means you actually feel the same way?" Bin let his own vulnerability show in the tone of his voice. He had wanted the question to sound light. Not so much as a joke, but then not as if Eunwoo's answer would determine whether he would ever feel joy again.

"You're _allowed_."

Bin's heart skipped a beat, then ramped itself up to a full-on jig that curled the corners of his mouth into a shit-eating grin. It wasn't quite the ideal scenario of acceptance that he'd always envisioned, but he would take it anyways if it means he could have Eunwoo in his life.

When Eunwoo eventually straigthened up and looked at him, he was wearing the brightest smile on his face. His eyelashes, still moist with his tears, made his already dazzling eyes sparkle all the more. To Bin, it was like watching sunshine break through the worst of a storm.

"Are you okay?" Rubbing at his best friend's back, Bin hoped to ease the sniffles and hiccups.

"Uhm, yeah." Eunwoo whispered, cheeks suddenly glowing pink under Bin's adoring scrutiny. His arms entwined themselves around the other's neck; fingers playing at the fringes on the back of Bin's head. "Can I... Can I ask you something?"

"Of course." Bin resisted the urge to close his eyes and moan. Eunwoo playing with his hair; them holding each other like that... It all felt so incredibly right. Proof, he supposed, that they were meant to happen all along.

"Why...why didn't you just tell me how you felt before?"

Bin bit at his bottom lip as he thought of what to say. His shoulders rose and the fell as he sighed deeply before answering. "Because it's you. How exactly do I go about telling my closest friend in the world that I was falling in love with him? You were so out of reach."

"Out of reach? I'm right here. I've been here all along."

"No, not like that. I meant you were so out of my league. Class president, top 1% in the entire school, top company trainee... Everybody who didn't love you, admired you. You were breathing filtered air and I couldn't keep up. And then to have these feelings too and it was just my luck I had to be near you all the time... I guess I was foolish to think it was better you didn't know until... that disaster last night." Bin visibly reddened under Eunwoo's observation. "Frankly, I never thought I had a chance with you. I could dream about us being together romantically, but all the while I was thinking it wasn't ever going to happen. What was the point of telling you all that?"

"And here I was thinking the same way about you. I thought you'd never see past the two of us being best friends."

"We're idiots. aren't we?"

"But cute idiots."

"Oh, of course. I'm so lucky I have the cutest idiot in my arms."

"Shut up." Eunwoo snorted, thumping Bin lightly on the shoulders. It was good to laugh together again. Tension, however short-lived, was bad for people who live in such close proximity. But although, they both seemed glad to have gotten over theirs quick enough, a bigger issue was looming over both of them.

What happens next?

"So what now?"

"Well, if you're agreeable to idea... maybe we should give being exclusive a try? Unless, of course you never wanted me for a boyfriend then..." He could joke about it, now that he knew Eunwoo was just as smitten as he was with him. Bin tittered when he thumped him harder this time. "What?"

Eunwoo's lower lip jutted out in a pout. "Don't joke about something like this, Binnie, especially since you were the one who blurted out Mexico, kids and cats."

"Don't forget the dog. I said at least one dog."

"Fine. A dog as well." Eunwoo rolled his eyes in mock exasperation, even as another smile tugged at his lips.

It was incredibly sweet that Bin had their future already mapped out, however ridiculous it may have sounded to him at first. Now, the thought of the church, the kids and the pets filled Eunwoo with longing and he realized that yes, he wanted the same things too. Besides, it wasn't like he had the heart to deny Bin anything anyway. He might as well get used to the fact that he could be mothering nine kids in the future; not all of them actual kids or human.

"So?" Bin prodded him further, giving the gorgeous boy on his lap a playful shake. "Are we exclusive now?"

Eunwoo pursed his lips, head bent to the side, finger tapping at the corner of his mouth as he pretended to think deeply. "Hmm..."

"Eunwoo!"

"Yeah."

"Yeah?" Bin face took on the look of a puppy who was just given his favorite chew toy. " _Yeah-yeah?_ "

" _Yeah-yeah._ "

"Oh my god!" Bin engulfed Eunwoo in the tightest bear hug, bouncing happily in his seat while the male on his lap shrieked and giggled against him. "I have a boyfriend! I'm so happy!"

"I'm happy you're happy." Eunwoo pressed his lips to Bin's ear and whispered. "I love you." 

"I love you too. But then, I already told you that last night." Bin didn't think his heart could feel any lighter or any bigger than it did that moment. Everything that he had been so afraid to wish for was now his. It took getting hammered; blubbering like an idiot on the phone and getting hated on for having alcohol-induced temporary amnesia, but he finally had the boy of his dreams.

_This turning into an adult thing was starting to look up for him._

A cough, dry and wracking, followed by the morose grumbling of an old woman pulled the two males out of their loving embrace, albeit reluctantly. Eunwoo immediately scrambled to his feet, pulling Bin up with him. He tried to ignore his very recent best-friend-turned-boyfriend's pained grimace as he tried to stand straight on numbed legs, thinking he'd try and make up for it later. For now, it was all about sussing out how much the elderly lady saw.

"Good evening." Eunwoo politely greeted the woman, bowing. Bin followed suit when he had composed himself; both males bending to their waist in respect.

It seems their building apartment neighbor - the grumpy ahjumma in 6D who lived one level below them - got to throwing her trash at the apartment garbage chute quite late. She stared back at them, tattooed eyebrows raised millimeters up her broad forehead in mock interest at finding two good-looking boys holed up in a dimly lighted stairwell. Remembering her manners, she greeted them back briefly before waving them off dismissively as she stepped back into the hallway.

They watched her disappear through the door before sagging against each other in relief. Eunwoo looked over his shoulder and found Bin blowing air from his mouth, ruffling the fringes on his forehead.

"That was close." He murmured, peering back down the stairs to see if the coast was entirely clear. He nodded up the steps. "Let's go home?"

Eunwoo agreed willingly. He bounded up the steps, surprised that Bin held him back just as he was about to take the exit handle. "What?"

Instead of replying, Bin pulled the door open, waving him into their hallway with a flourish of his left hand. "I just wanted to be the gentleman, that's all."

_And Eunwoo wanted to melt..._

How can the very same boy who steamrolled over his heart with his sheer tactlessness hours before be the same boy warming up his insides so much he felt like he was turning into goo? Bin was being so adorable. It took every amount of self-control Eunwoo had not to take his face in his hands and just kiss him. But that was probably an issue they would need to deal with at another time. They were both new at this and taking things slow might be the wiser option.

It was a short walk from the stairwell door to their apartment. A few steps at the most. But just as Eunwoo was about to enter the code into their security door, he felt Bin tug at his arm.

"What now?" Eunwoo chuckled as he turned to face him. "Did you want to open the apartment door for me too?"

Bin shook his head. "There's something else I remember from last night."

"What are you -"

Eunwoo wasn't able to finish his question. Bin was suddenly upon him, lips pressed against his own; one arm locked around his waist while one hand cradled the back of his head to hold him in place. He went lax within his hold, allowing him to lead where the kiss was going. Bin's mouth moved gently over his, lips alternately grazing, rubbing, pressing insistently into their softness. They felt so incredibly plush and so incredibly right.

Like cotton-candied pillows...

Like sinking into a warm, aromatic bath after a long day...

_Like home._

Eunwoo found himself sighing into the kiss, opening up his mouth for his new boyfriend to taste fully. Bin didn't hesitate to take advantage, angling his head so he could explore the sweet, lush moistness within. Eunwoo clung to him, surrendering completely; arms wrapped around Bin's shoulders as he suckled at his tongue in encouragement.

Last night, they stood at the very same spot; although Bin had swayed mostly rather than actually stayed upright. Eunwoo had Bin's arm around his shoulders, struggling not to buckle under the weight of his best friend. Rocky had already carried Jinjin like a sack of rice over his shoulder into the apartment. He was followed by a grunting Sanha dragging an unconscious Myung Jun by the armpits inside. They were about to step into the threshold when Bin planted his feet securely on the floor, refusing to move even as Eunwoo tried to pull him in.

 _"Bin-ah. Come on, let's get you to bed._ "

Bleary eyed but still defiant, Bin stared at the boy holding him, not budging an inch. " _You're so beautiful._ "

" _I- What?_ " Flustered at the sudden declaration, Eunwoo gaped at his best friend.

" _So...so beautiful, my Eunwoo-yah..._ " Bin whispered before leaning over to plant a big wet one on his band mate's mouth.

Eunwoo had been so caught off-guard by the action, he stood there stiff and disoriented for the first few moments. The neurons in his brain were misfiring like crazy. And before he could even think to return the kiss, Bin had already moved away one arm holding him at arms-length while he emptied the remaining contents of his stomach all over Eunwoo's favorite sneakers.

And now, pushed up against their apartment door, with Bin's mouth traveling languidly to his jaw then down the length of his neck; Eunwoo began to believe that last night's small catastrophe was but an unpleasant prelude to a lifetime of amazing kisses he would now share with the boy he loved. His world narrowed, focused only on the male who was drawing out appreciative moans from his mouth as he nipped and licked at his skin. There would be no one else for him. Eunwoo was sure of it.

Bin made his way back up to Eunwoo's mouth, tugging gently at the other male's lower lip before he pulled away to gaze into his eyes. " _That_  was how last night was supposed to happen." His breath was a warm caress on Eunwoo's face. "I'm sorry I ruined our first kiss."

Reaching up to frame the other's cheeks with his own fingers, Eunwoo murmured patiently, "That's okay. You've more than made up for it with our second kiss."

When their lips met once again, there were no hesitations.

Doubts had been addressed.

Assurances had been made.

From now on, it was Eunwoo and Bin.

Finally, together.

 

  _ **Note:**_ So, this one has one last chapter to go...set in the near future. That's all I have to say about that. LOL.

 

 


	5. Sanha Ever After

  
It defied logic. It went against all set rules on fairness and equality. The way both Eunwoo and Bin were openly fawning over Sanha was nothing sort of a crime against nature. And MJ and Jinjin had to sit there and endure it all, bile rising up their throats, food remaining almost untouched in front of them. Well, almost untouched because they did manage to pick a piece of dry, crusty, overcooked chicken breast each before Eunwoo and Bin commandeered the entire bucket, cooing at Sanha to get the choice cuts of the fried meat for himself.

Yes. Freaking Yoon Sanha gets to eat the best ones first!

Two weeks had passed since Eunwoo and Bin finally came to terms with how they felt about each other and decided to formally be a couple. No two people were happier for them than Jinjin and Myung Jun, who both had been actively trying to push them together even before their group debuted. They were the ones who had seen the future of BinWoo even before the two of them even had an inkling of how good they would be together. They openly and aggressively encouraged the development of the pair, oftentimes thinking of the most outlandish scenarios to make sure they interacted, however awkwardly.

But the pissy thing was, now that they were dating, all their past efforts had been ignored in favor of the group's maknae, Yoon Sanha. Sneaky Yoon Sanha, whose angelic face and cherubic curls belied the corner of hell he had sprung out from. Sly Yoon Sanha who was happily munching on two of the juiciest looking chicken drumsticks while smirking at them. Evil Yoon Sanha who, instead of helping to carefully nurse the growing affection Bin and Eunwoo had for each other, had decided to film them at their most vulnerable and, was now reaping the rewards of his audacity? Myung Jun felt the corner of one eye start to twitch in annoyance. Beside him, Jinjin unknowingly snapped a plastic spoon in half.

Seated across from them, the two halves of BinWoo were flanking Sanha on either side; Bin piling up the fries on the youngest's plate knowing his penchant for the salty potato treats; even laying out a neat dab of ketchup and mayonnaise on the side. Eunwoo was mumbling soft chastisements as he gently wiped at the oil stains on Sanha's face with a wet tissue, grumbling good-naturedly about how incapable the maknae was to eat neatly. A quick glance at Bin to check if he was at all jealous at the amount of attention Sanha was getting from his new boyfriend (considering that their relationship was still in its early stages) revealed that he didn't seem to mind Eunwoo being doting at all. In fact, he was smiling adoringly, like a father watching his wife mind their baby.

And to Myung Jun that was one humongous baby he wasn't about to tolerate. And he liked children. Generally. Well, mostly when they're quiet and sleeping. Hearing Eunwoo clucking lovingly when some chicken crumbs fell on to his shirt, made the oldest band member snap; allowing his mouth free rein over his thoughts and emotions.

"This is disgusting." The eldest suddenly blurted, shoving his eating utensils away. The spoon and chopsticks made loud, clunking noises over the low table they used as a communal eating area. He crossed his arms over his chest glaring belligerently at the people seated across from him.

Bin blinked in surprise at the unexpected outburst, then glanced over at his hyung's almost untouched plate. "Is something wrong with the food?"

In a rare show of generosity (or it could be because Eunwoo had him so whipped), Bin actually paid for the majority of the unhealthy, but delightful repast they were consuming that evening. A fattening, artery-clogging, pore-devastating mixture of fried chicken, pizza, fries, pasta and fizzy drinks all promptly delivered by three different restaurants. Now, these of course, would not normally be allowed inside the dorms but the group manager made an exception. Eunwoo had used his considerable charms to negotiate an evening off from practice so the group could celebrate his and Bin's exclusivity.

"It's not the food." MJ sneered, top lip curling over his teeth. "It's the company."

Eunwoo sat up straighter, befuddled by MJ's harsh tone but also a bit insulted by it. "You've eaten with the same set of people for the past two and a half years, hyung." He started plucking more wet tissues from the holder on the table handing them for Sanha to wipe his greasy hands with. "Nothing's changed."

" _Nothing's changed_?" MJ yelped indignantly. "You and Bin just adopted Satan's spawn."

Jinjin tsked disapprovingly obviously in agreement with the band's oldest member; the chiseled nose he was so proud of turned up in disdain.

Eunwoo and Bin exchanged confused glances. Between them, Sanha was digging into his fries with gusto pointedly ignoring the daggers shooting from Myung Jun's eyes. When he did look up though, it was to give the eldest the cheekiest grin as he popped another fry into his mouth.

"We didn't adopt anything... yet." Bin looked to Eunwoo for confirmation. "Well, did we?" His boyfriend would say something to him if he'd decided on fast-forwarding their adoption plans even before they've worked out the other details of their future life together, surely? But Eunwoo appeared to be just as baffled as he was by their hyung's declaration.

"What are you even talking about?"

"He's talking about Sanha." Rocky volunteered, finally taking the time to stop inhaling pasta so he could contribute to the conversation.

"Sanha?" Eunwoo gazed fondly at the boy beside him. "I don't think his family would let us do that even if we wanted to. So cute!" He gave the maknae's right cheek a playful pinch that had Sanha positively preening at the compliment. After all, it's not everyday the group's very own visual - the paragon of beauty himself - actually tells you you're good-looking.

"They'd be happy to be rid of him." Myung Jun muttered in contrast. "But that's not the point. The point is -"

"The point is that you're being mean to the youngest for no particular reason." Bin finished for him, exasperated by the elder's need to cause drama on the one day off they've had in a long time. "Why are you picking on Sanha all of a sudden?"

"He always picks on me, hyung." The youngest whispered loud enough to be heard as he leaned over. He was merely stating a group fact, of course, and he didn't bother lowering his voice to conspiratorial levels, sensing that he had some solid protection from MJ's wrath in the form of his centerline hyungs.

"Because he's jealous." Rocky explained in between bites of chicken. "Well, they both are." He pressed his point by waving his mangled chicken wing at the two oldest.

"Eh?" Bin and Eunwoo said in unison. Sanha was nodding vigorously pretending to be in complete accord with what Rocky just revealed. In truth, he had no idea what the statement actually meant but he was going to milk his special benefits for the day for all it's worth and agreeing seemed to keep three of the other members on his side.

"What's there to be jealous about?" Eunwoo asked, before taking a bite out of the pizza that had been stagnating on his plate; ignored in favor of making sure Sanha had eaten his fill.

"Well, because -"

"Shut up and just eat, Minhyuk." Jinjin hissed, eyes flashing. The band leader had one of his fists raised a few centimeters above his head, chin jutting out in warning. Instead of feeling threatened though, Rocky chuckled into his plate of spaghetti.

"Wait?" Bin glanced at MJ and then at Jinjin; noticing their seemingly united front, how closely they were seated beside each other and could come to only one conclusion. "Are you guys jealous because... Well, you know Eunwoo and I don't have to be the _only couple_ in the group. It's perfectly alright if you and MJ-hyung were -"

A wayward noodle went down the wrong windpipe and Rocky ended up trying to noisily hack the thing back out. He covered his mouth, alternately coughing and giggling against his pressed palm. MJ and Jinjin looked lost at first. Then as realization of what Bin implied set in, their cheeks started to collectively flush, shifting away from each other as they shouted out their denial.

"What? Us? "

"Eh? Nooo! Why would you think that?"

"Oh my god! Geez!" Rocky managed to mutter before falling into another laughing fit. It was hilarious Seeing their hyung-line flustered and panicking. Sanha joined in, nearly tipping over the low table with his long legs as he cackled.

Eunwoo seemed to have arrived at the same idea as his boyfriend did because he felt it necessary to clarify." Hang on. So, aren't we talking about Jinjin and MJ hyung being a couple too?"

"We're not a couple!" MJ shrieked indignantly, smacking his palms at the tops of his thighs for emphasis.

"If you two are, I don't see any problem with it though." Eunwoo mumbled sagely as he took another fortifying bite of food.

"That's not what this is about." Jinjin leveled a stare at all of them, effectively discouraging any of the others from continuing to talk about his and MJ's non-existent coupledom.

"So what is this about then?" Bin was eager to go back to the original theme of the discussion. The sooner the band hyungs get whatever it was that has gotten their panties in a twist off their collectively underdeveloped chests, the sooner everyone can return to their celebrations.

"They're jealous of Sanha." Rocky explained, finally able to get his giggles under control. "Because of you two giving him special attention."

Eunwoo frowned. "That's just childish. You two always get preferential treatment because you're older. You get to call the shots while the rest of us just fall in line. Sanha's the youngest so he's always being passed over for everything. Why shouldn't we be nice to him? And, we owe him."

MJ sneered, while Jinjin puffed out his chest beside him. "And what, pray tell, should you be grateful for this gigantic, potato mass-murderer for?

"Hey!" Sanha yelped as if he had been physically hit. It was one thing to be called the child of the devil. It was a completely different thing to be referred to as the one solely responsible for the massacre of spuds. What was wrong with being obsessed with the fried treats? And really, how can he not take advantage of his jacked-up metabolism by consuming more than his own weight in fries? He tucked a couple of the crispy, salty strings into his mouth before frowning defiantly at Myung Jun.

Being mean to Sanha was not a habit any of the band members took to easily, especially to MJ. He had his own way of showing his affection for the youngest, and whom he often claims as his favorite band member. It may not entirely be traditional in every sense of what affection was often thought to be, but he and Sanha had a system they both understood. If he was speaking harshly to him, it was probably because his feelings were really hurt and he needed to vent.

"Sanha's the reason why Eunwoo and I got together, of course." Bin declared confidently, eyeing their maknae with gratitude and gushing at the blooming pink spots on the apples of his cheeks.

"The hell he is!" Jinwoo bellowed, glaring as much as his crescent eyes would let him. "I am responsible for creating BinWoo. I-"

"Excuse me, leader-nim. Don't you mean _us_?" MJ interrupted the impending rant.

Jinjin gaped at the oldest. " _Us_? If I hadn't told you that I thought of pairing Bin and Eunwoo up pre-debut..."

"But I was the one actively pimping the pair!" MJ poked at his own chest violently with his forefinger several times, the spot above his right ribcage ought to be bruised the next day.

"I was the one who originally thought they'd be perfect for each other." Jinjin shot back.

MJ countered with, "And I helped you put them in situations where they'd realize they'd be perfect for each other!"

"You just jumped onto my band wagon!"

"And you have no OTP IQ!"

"Me? No OTP IQ? I thought of calling them BinWoo."

"And I thought of getting Bin drunk so he'd confess what he felt about Eunwoo!"

The other four members watched the exchange of words, heads bobbing with the volley of words that the eldest members were throwing at each other. Eunwoo's jaw snapped open at MJ's last statement eyes bulging they were threatening to pop out of their sockets. Sanha gasped, hands going to his mouth in case any of the un-masticated fries escaped. Rocky stopped chewing, stopped breathing, stopped trying to form any coherent thought in his head. Beside him, Bin ground his teeth together, hands clenched into fists as he breathed deeply through his nose to calm himself.

_Oh, to hell with calm._

"You did what?" The space between Bin's eyebrows drew together; visibly upset at finding out that his affections for his best friend had been found out, manipulated and played at even before he was ready to admit them to himself.

"Uh-oh." Rocky mused, eyes darting around the table nervously.

But Myung Jun was undeterred in his quest for recognition. Not even Bin's obvious annoyance and Eunwoo's shocked expression were going to stop him. "Don't pretend as if you haven't been done a favor. The two of you would still be dancing awkwardly around each other, waiting for the right moment to confess but never actually getting the nerve if Bin hadn't gone out and gotten wrecked that night."

It was true, of course. It was the height of being underhanded and mean. But it was also effective. Bin looked across the table to where Eunwoo was seated, contemplating how different today would have turned out had MJ and Jinjin not meddled in their personal affairs. There would be no celebration. There would be no Bin and Eunwoo. He would have none of the happiness and satisfaction the past few days afforded him by being committed to someone he truly saw a future with. And all because he made the mistake of listening to his hyungs.

Eunwoo's eyes met his and he smiled that secret smile that was only meant for him. There was no rancor within those brown depths at being reminded of how Bin had messed up his first confession, then forgot about it. All he saw etched on that glorious face was understanding and absolute adoration for him; faults, flaws and all. He was one lucky bastard. Eunwoo's perpetual well of compassion and love saved both of them from a life of loneliness and regret.

But of course, just because he got lucky didn't mean Bin couldn't take a dig at his troublemaking hyungs. Give them a taste of their own medicine? Eunwoo seemed to sense what he wanted to do and gave him an imperceptible nod of approval.

" _Awkwardly dancing around each other_ , you mean like the way you and Jinjin-hyung have been doing all this time too?" Bin quipped, arching a knowing eyebrow up at the two oldest members.

"What the hell?" Jinjin jerked in his seat. "What are you on about, Moon?"

Rocky snorted again, sounding as if his sinuses were trying to inhale an elephant through his nasal passages. Sanha tucked his head down to his chin trying to stifle his own amusement at having the tables turn on his hyungs.

Bin shrugged, playing at the mounting paranoia that he could see beginning to emerge from the faces of his elders. "Well, since you and MJ hyung seemed to have me and Eunwoo sussed out all right and proper, it's kind of weird you two haven't figured out what you have going on."

"Going on? Between me and Jinwoo? Are you high?" Myung Jun swiped snootily at his nose, before whacking Rocky across the chest because he was the nearest one he could lash out at for having the audacity to find the entire situation comical. Strangely enough, Jinjin was also right beside him but MJ didn't think to touch him at all.

Bin shook his head. "No. Just observant. You spent all this time trying to get me and Eunwoo together, it must have rubbed off on the two of you as well."

"There was no rubbing!" Jinjin was beginning to gesticulate wildly, frustrated at where their initial ire at Sanha stealing what they thought was their god-given right to be kowtowed to for orchestrating BinWoo appeared to be headed.

"Not according to Sanha's video." Rocky wheezed out.

Sanha let out a frightened meep, throwing his Rocky-hyung an accusatory glance. "You said you'd never tell if I showed you!"

"What video?" MJ demanded, shooting lightning bolts through his eyes at Rocky and Sanha alternately. "What the hell are you two talking about?"

Eunwoo planted his hands on the floor a few inches behind his hips. Propped up by his arms, he leaned back so he could observe the other members. Were they just baiting the two elders or was there really a recording. "When was the video taken?"

"The night you brought them home drunk." Rocky replied. "We put Jinjin and MJ-hyung in the livingroom, remember? Because Sanha was freaking out about them possibly being sick on the floor?"

"Yeah, I remember." Eunwoo nodded. "We kept them separated."

There had been a mad, noisy dash from room to room that night, grabbing extra linens and bedding from cabinets and cupboards so they could make a suitable makeshift bed for the two older members; all of which their inebriated friends slept through. He remembered ordering Rocky and Sanha to place them on opposite sides of the beddings, placing the two long cushions of their sofa between them in the hopes of preventing them from accidentally hitting each other in their drunken slumber.

Rocky paused, rubbing at the spot on his chest that was starting to smart from Myung Jun hitting him. "Well, according to Sanha they didn't stay _separated_."

"What?" Bin gawked at the second youngest. "Why? How?"

"Park Minhyuk, I swear on all that is holy that if you're making things up I swear I'll -"

"You'll do what, MJ-hyung? And I'm not making things up!" Rocky snapped back. "Sanha recorded the two of you after he heard noises at dawn. He was hoping to get a head start on showering before school and saw the two of you... well... how did you tell me it looked like, Sanha?"

The youngest band member had turned an awful shade of red, fists clenched at his eyelids as if trying to block a bad memory from resurfacing. "Shut up, hyung. I don't remember."

"Of course, you do." Rocky muttered darkly. "You just told me yesterday when you showed me the video you took. And I quote, _I can't even see where MJ-hyung's mouth started and where Jinjin-hyung's lips ended_."

"Oh. My. God." Eunwoo gasped, mouth hanging open. Sanha wasn't looking so adorable to him anymore. "You mean, they were... They were..."

"Kissing!" Sanha screeched, tongue lolling out as if he was going to hurl. "It was awful."

"Awful and yet you recorded it anyway?" Eunwoo wasn't sure whether he admired the maknae or was completely disgusted with him. He supposed it was a little bit of both.

"Hang on. I didn't see any other video Sanha took that night on his phone when I had it." Bin said, waving his hands in front of him to quiet everyone down. "I only saw the one he took of my phone call to Eunwoo."

Rocky shifted away from Myung Jun's grasp, side-eyeing the oldest band member warily as he continued his story. MJ didn't appear to be interested in raising his protests anymore. In fact, he was staring off into the distance, fingers touching his lips. "You didn't see it on his phone because Sanha had it uploaded onto his google video account. It's set to private of course but the point is -"

"The point is that I ought to strangle you, you giant sh-" Jinwoo made a dive for the youngest, but with Eunwoo running interference between them, Sanha was able to dodge his grabby hands.

"The point is," Rocky continued, giving his two oldest hyungs a meaningful look. "You two ought to have sat and sorted things out between you before you guys went and meddled with other people's love lives. You need to worry about your own."

"We don't have a -" Jinjin was puffing up his chest, readying himself for a big, harrowing blow up, but stopped when he saw MJ looking lost and confused beside him. He reined his anger in, tapping MJ on his arm. "Hyung, are you -"

"We were drunk. We didn't know what we were..." Myung Jun said in an almost whisper. "I..." He suddenly got up and stood awkwardly in front of the table for a few seconds as if not knowing what to do next.

"MJ-hyung?" Jinjin called out softly, tugging at his band mate's lax hand.

The air inside the room began to thicken with unspoken tension and Myung Jun let his instinct to flee take over.

"I... I need to go." He scurried toward the door. " I... I think... I forgot something back at the practice rooms." He hastily threw over his shoulder before grabbing his jacket from the coat pegs near the entryway and stuffing his feet into his sneakers. The apartment door chimed open as he stumbled out.

Jinjin shuffled to his feet. "I can't believe he just left like that! MJ-hyung! Wait up!" He hurried after their lead vocal before he could get far.

The four other members were left staring at each other, unsure of what to do next. Sanha was thoughtfully nibbling on stick after stick of the french fries, as if trying to stem the flow of words that may come out of his mouth if he didn't stuff it with food. Rocky placed his plate of pasta on the table, appetite lost. Eunwoo and Bin exchanged glances still reeling from the latest development.

"Well, that was certainly unexpected." Eunwoo felt the need to breach the uncomfortable silence by stating the obvious. He scratched at the back of his neck, clearly uncomfortable with the sudden lull in conversation.

Bin rubbed at his chin."Hmm... Not exactly the kind of celebration I had in mind but it was different."

Sanha frowned, almond eyes darting quickly at each of the member's faces. "Do you think, MJ and Jinjin-hyung would be able to work this out between them? They'll be okay, right?" For the first time that day, their youngest seemed worried. He had a naughty streak a mile long. He often didn't think about the consequences of his words and actions at times. But he would never intentionally want to hurt any of his band mates. He looked to the others for reassurance and didn't bother to hide his surprise where he got it.

"They'll be fine." Rocky insisted. "They should be. They ought to be strong enough to deal with the same things they dish out."

Sanha nodded absent-mindedly. "I better delete that video now. I'd been meaning to but -"

"Let me help you with that." Rocky volunteered, already getting up from his seat.

Eunwoo and Bin watched as the two band maknaes made their way into the room they shared with MJ and Jinjin, then shut the door behind them. When Eunwoo turned to his boyfriend, there was a soft smile on his face and a knowing glint in his eyes.

"When do you think they'll realize they have something going on too?"

Bin chuckled. "Please. I don't even want to think about that right now. They're too young. And well, Rocky's just about as oblivious as I am about what he wants so we're in for the long haul. And Sanha? Bless him but I think he's still at that age when he's grossed out about anything having to do with being part of a couple."

Eunwoo sighed. "I do hope MJ and Jinjin confess to each other. Maybe then, they'll stop trying to live out their couple fantasies vicariously through us."

"Couple fantasies? Interesting choice of words there..." Bin's eyebrows did that teasing wiggle thing whenever the topic was veering off anything PG13.

"Shut up." Eunwoo chucked a plastic fork at his boyfriend's leering. "You know that's not what I mean. Geez." He turned his attention to the boxes of pizza, the chicken and fries and the aluminum tray still full of pasta on the table. "What are going to do with all this food left though?"

"What do you mean? I'm not done eating yet." Bin tugged a chicken bucket towards him, plucking out a thigh and started chomping on it with as much finesse as a wood chipper. "What?"

Eunwoo shook his head, rolling his eyes in mock disbelief. "I can't believe I fell in love with a pig."

"But a cute pig!" Bin corrected, grinning cheekily. "Besides, you fell in love with me...not my eating habits."

Eunwoo threw his head back and laughed. "Sad, but true."

"You love me. Bad habits and all... Because it's me. Just the way I love you too." Bin declared through a mouthful of chicken, confident that Eunwoo's affections were not easily swayed by imperfections, including his horrendous dining etiquette.

Eunwoo leaned over the table; lengthening his body so he could reach out to cup the back of Bin's head and plant a loud, smacking kiss on his lips. "Yes. That's true too."

 

 

  
_**Writer's Note:**_ Finally able to put this to rest. Thank you so much for taking the time to read it! I can finally move on and work on that fic that I left stagnating for a while now. See you all on my next update!


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